Two Red Rubber Things

It's been quite a while since the last blog, it seems that the nights have been as busy as the workdays lately. Anyway, an abbreviated version of the last three months or so is as follows.

   The second 12' figure sponsored by Artsbank was completed at the end of June. It is called 'Freddie Gilroy and the Belsen Stragglers' it spent a few weeks outside the workshop and got quite a bit of local attention and is apparently on quite a few facebook homepages. It then moved on to The Hambleton Groups main site for a while and is due to show up at the Sage building for the Newcastle Gateshead art fair on the 28th of this month. I hope it gets a decent reception and the roaming beer monsters don't fall off it in the middle of the night as it has to reside outside due to its size. There are also going to be 5 or so life size figures dotted around inside aswell as the small work on show on the Artsbank stand. So it all adds up to a good range of work on display.

   As soon as the 'Freddie Gilroy' piece left the workshop it was straight on with the 1930s miner and son for the South Derbyshire NUM. All went well with the manufacture and I set off on the 26th of August to install it. I had designed a set of slide out ramps so that I could get it out of the van and install it on site without the need for help. I was looking forward to a nice run to Swadlincote and an easy fitting but 'the best laid plans' and all that. First off, forty miles down the A19 the van just died for a couple off seconds for no reason then picked up again then two minutes later it did it again. This meant that for the rest of the six hour round trip my heart was in my mouth. Next, when I arrived on site the first thing I noticed was that the boundary between the tarmac carpark and the paved area where the concrete base sat was seperated by a continuous line of stainless steel bollards that were too close together for the statue to fit through. I had to cruise the perimeter until I found a gap over 200 yards away that was just big enough to squeeze the van past and then thread a very apologetic path through shoppers going about their business. I reversed the van into position and slid out the ramps. A couple of gentle tweaks with the pinchbar saw it gracefully on its way from the van. Then one more gentle tweak saw it fly down the ramps as if it was on a Disneyland rollercoaster and clang onto the ground. My heart sank, not for fear of the figures being damaged, I new they would be ok but I was worried about the brand new paving. Fortunately all was well and the rest of the process was trouble free. The return trip however was a constant battle against heavy rain and frequent traffic jams. I did suffer for that particular piece of art. 

   The return to motocross hasn't been trouble free either with a fair amount of crashes (mainly due to my body moving about 2 seconds after my brain sends out a signal) . A smattering of mechanical issues  one of which saw the throttle stick on full and send this wide eyed rider past an even wider eyed marshall and off the track and although I managed to save the bike my underkegs were beyond repair. All in all though I am loving being back in the saddle and with a crash helmet , goggles and full riding kit on I'm sure I could pass for being a much younger man (until I have to try and swing an arthritic leg over a rather tall bike that is).

Ray

We realised the mistake straight away and wondered what we had been thinking. It was the day of our trip down to the Chelsea Flower Show and we had decided to go by train. This was the first time I had been on a train since a junior school trip to Edinburgh in the mid seventies when all the girls were excited at the almost certain possibility of running into the Bay City Rollers (I used to hate them twats). Anyway the mistake was to book seats on one side of a table which meant sitting face to face with strangers for over three hours desperately trying to avoid eye contact.  At first there was just us on one side and a skinny kid on the other with a pony tail and a face like a pepperoni pizza. He proceeded to plug in his laptop and do something very important and intense on it for the next hour or so.

The next stop was Darlington where a bloke got on and sat directly opposite me. I adjusted my position to give him more room and offered up a good morning smile. This seemed to offend him because he spent the next five minutes giving me a madman look every time I caught his eye. This in turn made me catch his eye more and his mad look became a tad disturbing until someone else got on and he began looking at them the same way so I was fairly sure it was a problem with him and not something between us that I had missed. An hour or so later the skinny kid closed his laptop and proceeded to pinch various zits between his thumb and forefinger then examine the said digits for evidence. I suppose everyone needs a hobby. Around this time 'Mad eye' seemed to get tired , I know this because he started to yawn very loudly and never covered his mouth, I could actually feel the draught from these yawns which came at the rate of about one a minute for the remainder of the trip. I spent all my time trying to exhale very slowly during these episodes so as not to have his breath in my lungs. 'Manners maketh man' I kept saying (under my breath of course).

We arrived at Kings Cross and headed for the underground safe in the knowledge the we had first class tickets for the return trip and would be almost floating home in a pampered fashion. Ah, the best laid plans of mice and men.

The show was really good, the stand looked brilliant and the Artsbank got a commendation for it . We made a few good sales and the day was a success and a very pleasant experience all round. Then came the return trip.

We got to the train about twenty minutes early and settled into our generous seats very contented and looking forward setting off. Then they came. Two chavettes entered and sat in the booth directly behind ours and our hearts sank. I don't know why they had been to London but it could well have been for a guest appearance on the Jeremy Kyle show. Their conversation for the next four hours and ten minutes seemed to be on a goldfish type three minute loop based around arrival times. This , as far as I can remember was only altered twice.The first time was after a brief alighting to the platform at Newark station for a fag after which they got back on and when we set off again they were convinced for a while that the train was now going in the opposite direction to what it had been and we were heading back to London. The second deviation came when one off them announced that she was lucky because she could eat whatever she liked and her weight didn't alter. Yes this medical marvel remained at about twenty stone regardless and she proved it by devouring anything complimentary for the rest of the trip.

Home and bed never felt so good.        Ray.